- When you drive your husband's car and go to pinch $1 from his console to go through the Macca's drive thru, only to find the speeding fine he has hidden in there, you no longer need to feel guilty about pinching said $1. Just imagine a $1 coin in your left hand and the $282 you are about to hand over to Civic Compliance in your right. Guilt instantly evaporates.
- If you ask your 4yo if she knows just how beautiful she is enough times, eventually she will sigh and just say 'yeah'.
- If over the course of one weekend your 4yo asks to no longer be referred to by the beautiful name you agonised over for months but by the names Dora, Glassiola, Sweetheart, Lola or Princess Holly, she is not suffering from multiple personality disorder, she just watches too many cartoons.
- I confirmed that I will always despise unpacking groceries but it can be made bearable if I also buy a couple of Rekorderlig Strawberry and Lime ciders along with the broccoli and toilet paper.
- It is possible for me to overreact when my Facebook friends keep hitting 'like' on the RIP Morgan Freeman page when the man IS NOT DEAD! No, I take that back. It is not an overreaction when all they had to do was Google 'Morgan Freeman dead' and they'd find it is a hoax. Seriously people, University of Google. You can learn a lot.
- If you get very fashionable FCUK glasses and your 16 yo is dyslexic, he is probably gonna question what the hell you're wearing. And the word he uses may not be 'hell'.
- Just because you have a 12 cup coffee pot and happen to be the only person in the house who sets it up each night, you're the only person who empties the old grounds and cleans to pot each day, you a not guaranteed any more than 1 cup from that pot. And really, even that 1 should not be taken for granted. It's the quick and the dead here.
- I learnt that if you cook dinner while wearing a scarf there is a significant chance you will catch fire. Don't test this theory at home people, just take my word for it.
- I also learnt that if you set yourself on fire cooking dinner you may need to change your underwear shortly after.
- I learnt that if the guy who lives at your place decides to teach your children how to play poker on his iPhone you should not be concerned about early onset gambling addiction. As a glass half full kinda gal, you should look forward to a possible future in card counting for at least 1 of them. Be proud.
- If your 16 yo son rings you from school and asks if you'll look for the wallet he is pretty sure he left at home, under so circumstances should you look in it after finding it. Just accept your baby is gone.
- And finally, if the guy who lives at your place declares to the world that he's going to participate in Tough Mudder next year, YOU will be the one reaping the rewards.
Monday, September 17, 2012
12 things I discovered this weekend.
So it's been an interesting weekend in the house of the barely sane. We really didn't do a lot but I learnt many things. I thought I'd share some of them with you.